January 2012
401 posts
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new years superstitions
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resolutions
i believe in new years resolutions if only because they work for me. yeah you can decide to change any time, but it’s an incredible feeling to dedicate a whole year to making yourself better. it’s so cool to be able to say oh, 2011? that was the year i gave up caffeinated drinks at college and started drinking more water. 2011 was the last year i bit my fingernails. i entered my first...
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MAYBE IT'S NOT MY WEEKEND, BUT IT'S GONNA BE MY...
December 2011
36 posts
1 tag
new years is my favorite holiday. it’s the closest thing to a truly global, all-encompassing, everybody-celebrate-this day. how great is that? it’s the one holiday where people can’t even make themselves feel excluded; bitter singles can hate valentine’s day, lonely orphans can despair over christmas, but new years is for everybody. everybody gets to celebrate.
what do we...
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i lost the most important person in my life in 2011.
three times.
first when i left and looked for comfort in someone else’s arms. i called him in tears, tripping over the shameful confession, and he was disgusted, as he should have been. he called me awful names - slut, whore, bitch - and i begged him to give me another chance, and he did, so i lived.
second when he made me leave,...
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24ribs:
When you are left alone, you really have a lot of time to inspect your insides. You examine yourself so closely, it’s impossible to not hate yourself after a while.
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his hands smelled like detergent, and she wondered why he’d do her laundry when he wouldn’t even do his own. but she let him trail his finger softly down her cheek, only letting out a soft sigh. he raised his eyebrows slightly, puzzled at what that sigh could mean, and she closed her eyes before he had a chance to ask her. he leaned in and kissed her forehead, then softly brushed...
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remember that time we took the blanket to the top of stone mountain to watch the sunrise? i kept falling asleep in the car on the way there. it was dark and warm and we were so old, eighteen already, can you believe that - when just yesterday it felt like we were swinging at recess and chasing each other around the playground to avoid cooties? when staying up past ten o’clock felt like such...
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2 tags
ourbirthmarks:
i know its impossible he’s far too bright and im much too dull the love is overflowing from the crack in my skull and its true
ill never be with you
111 pounds
i haven’t been this thin since eighth grade.
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i decided i am going to live the life you would want me to live, and i will do this by pretending you are still in it, and i will not care if this makes me crazy or if it means i will be living a lie, because i would rather that than live alone, or not at all. i will learn to drive this summer even though you promised you would teach me, and when we are together i will magically forget and pretend...
i had done so well, actually eating and keeping the food down.
nope not anymore. sadness is the grossest sickness.
please please please, if i cannot have him, at least let me write.
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this is my fourth shower of today, because it is the only way i can stop crying.
i used to be able to tire myself out and cut the sobfest short with sleep, but no such luck lately. it’s my punishment for dreaming; now i can’t anymore. my eyes itch and i’ve had to replace my contacts twice in this week alone. i stopped wearing makeup because it was too difficult to hide the...
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The reflective property
antmuni:
And some days, it just sinks in, like ink into skin; everything about you was real, and everything about us was as well. Every feigned laugh, raised voice, breathless whisper and drunken kiss. Reflections of you from years ago remind me, achingly, that we were not Summer and Tom, Tyler and Marla, or Daisy and Jay; we were just two foolish, lovestruck suburban kids with stars in our...
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includer
It’s very likely that you sometimes want everyone to feel part of a particular group and its activities. Perhaps you do and say things to spare people the misery of rejection or loneliness. Once someone joins your circle, you might identify talents or other traits that make this person special. Instinctively, you might prefer doing things with people with whom you are familiar, especially those...
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belief
It’s very likely that you tend to be zealous — that is, fervent and enthusiastic — about solving problems that affect the quality of your life. You have been known to devote all your time and energy to a worthy cause. Your core values explain why you participate in various social, political, educational, religious, judicial, or environmental activities. Because of your strengths, you are naturally...
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connectedness
Driven by your talents, you occasionally help people realize they are part of the human family. With your guidance, perhaps they understand that their lives are intertwined with people they will never meet. Chances are good that you now and then rely on your ability to help certain people find reasons to link up with one another. Perhaps areas of common ground or mutual understanding are...
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empathy
By nature, you help individuals feel safe enough to risk sharing their most personal thoughts and feelings. They trust you will keep this information to yourself. You probably sense when someone is vulnerable — that is, easily hurt by criticism, rejection, or betrayal. Instinctively, you notice that people feel comfortable telling you their innermost thoughts and feelings. Often you sense the...
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input
It’s very likely that you enjoy reading as long as you can savor each sentence and consider each idea. Your goal is to comprehend everything you read. It makes no sense to you to rush through books, magazine or newspaper articles, Internet sites, or other forms of written material just to say you finished them. Chances are good that you probably gather lots of information, facts, or insights from...
i remember being embarrassed that the teachers knew before we did. it was like they encouraged it, purposefully pairing us for theater exercises, sending us off together for random tasks across the school, entrusting the two of us with complementary responsibilities. but i remember being really, really embarrassed when i knew that the teachers knew. it was the homecoming football game, and...
it’s wet instead of white here, and mother nature brought me her gift this morning, and every part of me hurts,
but merry christmas, y’all. love what you can.
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i lost myself to sleep earlier than i had planned. what might have been a refreshing nap turned into a kidnapping of myself by dreamless sleep, so i awoke hours later with eyes wild, hair messy, legs sweaty, and heart even more bruised than before. stumbling to the bathroom, i ran my hand up the wall until it connected with the light switch. i saw myself in the mirror and gasped. slightly hunched...
i’m gonna make myself write (and right) again.